Musings from my 12-yr Residence in Diaper Land

This post is for all you mammas of pre-potty-trained toddlers. This year we are celebrating a very special milestone in our parenting journey. For the first time in 12 years, we are diaper-free! Honestly, we never thought the day would arrive.

Before potty training becomes a fond, distant memory, I’ll share my humble thoughts about it all. While we were in the midst of it, I found it an intense, exasperating, and sometimes hopeless experience. This may sound extreme but it is, to this day, one of the hardest things I’ve done as a parent. And then, one day, the kid gets it. And then, another day, he goes to the toilet without you having to prod him like a broken record. Then another glorious day, he stops wetting at night! It really does seem magical. It’s like learning how to read, except way messier.

When we first began this journey, I bought a program called the 3-day potty training method, aka the cold turkey method. The creator of the program, Lora Jensen, a mother of 5, promised that if we followed her method faithfully (and this is key), our child would be successfully trained in, you guessed it, 3 days. I excitedly shared the method with all my friends, and 7 years later, one of them asked me, “so….1 out of 4 kids is fully potty trained? How is the 3-day method working out for you?” Hilarious.

So it didn’t quite take 3 days. But at least the program provided us newbies with some very specific steps to follow, and that was a huge help as we embarked on something that I found terrifying. To give you some context on our particulars, here’s a very quick rundown of the diaper-to-freedom timeline for each of our children:

Boy #1: Always our guinea pig. We started potty training at 26 months of age while I was heavily pregnant with our second child. Rushing him to the toilet with my big belly was super fun. He totally got #1 by the third day, but #2 was painful. Oh so painful. So, so painful. That took two long weeks to figure out. But, he ended up being my only child to stay dry through night right away, though he regressed with the birth of his baby brother. He finally got over his regression by 4 years of age.

Boy #2: Started training him at 21 months old. He was super easy to day train. Got #1 and #2 down within 3 days with very little accidents. Really, it was a beautiful thing to behold. However, he didn’t stay dry for a single night during the first year, or the second, or the third. No amount of taking him to the toilet in the middle of the night did the trick. After getting him medically checked out at 7 years of age, we learned that the communication between his brain and his bladder was underdeveloped. So we tried the bedwetting alarm for 2 weeks to train his brain, and thankfully it worked like a charm. More on this below.

Boy #3: Started training him at 28 months. We had a newborn when he was at his peak training time (see below) so we waited until mommy was less insane. This kid was relatively easy to train, probably because by this time I was more relaxed about the whole enterprise. It took about 2 weeks to control #1 and #2 during the day, and stopped nighttime wetting at just under 4 years of age.

Girl #1: Started training her at 21 months. She was fairly easy to train, but she had a lot of #1 accidents for weeks. She refused to stay dry at night even though all the signs were pointing to full control. Our princess finally emancipated herself at 3.5 yrs of age.

In the hopes that some of you will find my experience useful, here are my “pro” tips. Please note that I’m writing in generalities here; every child is unique and will develop at his/her own pace. Still, I always find it useful to follow a method and then tweak it as needed.

What “3 days” mean to me

I’m sure that there are some amazing cases of kids who get fully trained in 3 days. I don’t have any of those mythical creatures. Most likely, it will take longer than that for your child to get it. However, if your child is physiologically ready to control his/her bladder and bowel, you will notice this within 3 days. He/she will significantly decrease the number of full-blown accidents from day 1 to day 3. The rest will come with consistent practice. But, if your child shows no signs of self-control by the end of day #3, then it’s not the right time to train. Let it go and try again in a few months.

The ideal time to train is 19-22 months of age

This is Lora Jensen’s recommendation, and I agree. At this point, a child can communicate (verbally or non-verbally) and they can follow simple instructions. Best of all, they aren’t yet as willful as they will be once they turn 2. They don’t call it the terrible twos for nothing. Of course, sometimes family circumstances or the weather don’t allow for training within this window. Don’t sweat it too much, but just keep this age range in the back of your head when planning out your year.

The ideal season to train is in the spring or summer

For obvious reasons, the less clothes needed to peel off as you rush your precious to the toilet, the better. I happen to live in a place where the winters are brutal and the layers are plentiful. The last thing you need is to take that darn snowsuit off when your child tells you he/she has to go potty, which means he/she is already going potty. Like the baseball pros, spring (or summer) training is the way to go.

Cold turkey or die

I’m a big fan of the “go big or go home” mentality. If the process of potty training is going to suck, no matter how long or short it is, then let’s just have it super stink, literally and figuratively, for as few days as possible. Another way of looking at it is that potty training is the development of a habit. And a habit can only be well acquired with consistency and practice. So give your child all the consistency and practice he/she needs to cement this major habit.

Cancel all your appointments and plan to stay home for 3 days, at a minimum. To be safe, I have always booked off a full week, which believe me, is a sacrifice for all involved. By the end of the self-imposed house arrest, everyone is batshit crazy (excuse the french but it truly describes the mental health situation at that point). But all the sacrifice will be worth it once your child goes to the toilet independently. The more committed you are to the cause, the faster your child will progress.

Repeat after me: accidents will happen

Accidents are inevitable. Buy loads of underwear and block off areas that would be difficult to clean. Waterproof the mattress. Also, prepare psychologically. The poor kid doesn’t know why this is happening; mommy is asking me to do what?? There should be no shame attached to having an accident, no matter how epic it is.

Accidents are also necessary. It’s super important to catch your kid during the accident and rush him/her to the toilet, as it is at this precise point that the brain learns to control the bladder and bowel. Therefore it is imperative to give your child your full attention, at all times. It’s exhausting but keep the end goal in mind! If you have other children, I suggest to arrange childcare as you will be mostly ignoring them. This may sound extreme, but remember that it’s not for long.

Pull-ups are a crutch, but sometimes...

Pull-ups, despite what those silly commercials tell you, do nothing to help your child gain self-control. Even though the pull-up kinda looks like underwear, your kid is too smart for that deception and he/she will use it for what it is: a pretty looking diaper. Within the 3-7 day period of intensive training, I don’t use any diapers or pull-ups. I just deal with the accidents as they come. After the week is up, we must resume our normal activities, which means we must venture out of our accident-friendly refuge. It is then that I bend the rules and use pullups sparingly. Sometimes I just don’t have the time or the mental strength to clean up the car seat, or I can’t fathom a clean up at someone else’s house/library/church/gymnastics. This phase shouldn’t take too long; you’ll soon realize that your child is ready to let go of the crutch.

A note about prolonged bedwetting

It’s very likely that one or more of your kids will deviate from the standard. In our case, our second son had problems with bedwetting for years. The pediatrician we consulted said that this is not an uncommon problem, especially for boys. Still, when he was 7 and we had 3 kids in diapers, it become a matter of sanity to address this issue. After doing some research, we purchased a bedwetting alarm.

This is how it works: you attach the sensor to the night diaper, and the alarm goes off when the sensor gets wet. We gave it 2 weeks. During this period this child slept with me and as soon as the alarm went off, I would wake him up and take/drag him to the bathroom. Miraculously, it worked! After two weeks he stayed completely dry at night, and has had less than a handful of accidents since (he’s almost 10 now). The doctor warned me that the alarm only has about a 30% chance of success. It seemed to me the least invasive method of addressing the issue (drugs were also suggested).

Final thoughts

Given my less-than-stellar success with the 3-day potty training method, do I still recommend it? Yes, I do. The program prepares you very well for the experience and guides you every step of the way. It tells you how to mentally, emotionally and materially prepare for the training. It even has a script of what to say and what not to say to your child. I found that guidance extremely helpful, especially as the frustration levels rose to a fever pitch. Which it will; but it gets better, I promise.

Even though the night training took way longer than we would have wished, all my kids were fully and consistently day trained within 2 weeks. That’s not a long time to go from diapers to underwear. So I encourage you to follow her method and know that it’s going to be an intense few weeks, but there will be a huge payout in the end.

If you have any questions or crazy experiences to share, please do so in the comments below!