What to give to kids who have everything

Around this time of year, one the most common questions we moms ask one another is, “what meaningful gifts can we give our kids for Christmas?”, quickly followed by “how can we keep the grandparents from giving a truckload of presents to our kids?”. Because let’s face it. We live in a society where our kids have everything they need, most things they want, and a ton they don’t need or want. And in our world of plenty, we see our kids develop attitudes of greed, entitlement and ennui. These are not qualities that any parent of good standing desires in their children, surely.

I clearly remember one Christmas morning some years ago. We only had two kids and they were five and three respectively. We naively allowed them to open all their presents at once, which at the time included gifts from 2 sets of grandparents, 4 sets of aunts and uncles and Baby Jesus (instead of Santa). After one hour of frenzied playing, the boys, sitting amid all their bounty, sulkily announced, “We’re bored. What else we can play with?”. My husband and I looked at each other in complete disbelief. Greed and the foul mood that accompanies it had entered our home. We promised to make changes to our Christmas gift giving policy.

Now I might be a little biased. Gifts are not my love language. Buying gifts is a chore which I reluctantly do but which I avoid as much as possible. And every time someone asks me what they can get my kids, I always answer with a variation of, “Nothing, they have everything.” But, I have to accept that my kids, being of the regular red-blooded variety, look forward to receiving gifts like training dolphins look forward to their next fishy treat. So come Christmas Eve, you will find presents wrapped under our tree, but hopefully of the few and meaningful kind.

So, here are my greed-preventative suggestions for gifting the children.

Under the age of 3, give nothing

Seriously, nothing. Babies and toddlers don’t want anything other than love and a happy home. They are giddily happy to play with the wrapping paper and ribbons from other people’s gifts. So save your money for the later years!

From 3 to 6, give gifts that encourage collaboration and foster the imagination

Think Duplo, K’Nex, Magformers, Playmobil, Crazy Forts and wooden train sets. Toys like these have been the best investments in creative play time, and they last for years.

Focus on skills and interests

As much as possible, we try to focus on each child’s interests. Then we choose a gift which will help him or her explore said interests. For example, my 12 yr old is interested in old-school electronics so we are getting him an Arduino set. My 10 yr old is quite artistic so we are giving him melting beads and Qixels (I love it when they spill all over the basement carpet). In the past we’ve gifted board games as well as guide books to help them use their existing toys in creative ways (I’m looking at you, Lego). These are gifts which will develop their budding skills – and they’re pretty affordable too! And of course, good books are always on the gift list. Check out Read-Aloud Revival for age-appropriate suggestions.

Give experiences

Whether it’s seasons passes to the science center, museums or amusement parks, these gifts are the best, as they create wonderful childhood memories. As a growing family of six, it’s financially challenging to take the whole family places. So, we often ask our very generous extended family to help us out. My sisters, for example, have been gifting our two oldest boys a week of science camp for many years (this covers birthdays and Christmas). It’s something that the boys look forward to, and also something that would be hard for us to give them.

Group gifting

This is a favorite of mine. If we can combine multiple givers, multiple recipients and many occasions and roll it into one massive gift, then I’m one happy mom. Last year, my husband’s family and we the parents joined forces to give our two oldest boys a Lego Mindstorms set. That killed so many birds in one stone, it was delightful.

Help kids to focus on giving, not receiving

This is a big one and something that we’re still working on. It’s not enough to constantly harp on the kids that Christmas is not all about receiving presents. We have to give them opportunities to practice generosity towards others. We encourage the kids to make presents and write letters to their loved ones. Last year, our boys received quite a few tips from their paper route, and they asked me to take them to Walmart to buy presents for all the relatives. That was a proud moment for me. They also have been going to retirement homes and soup kitchens to serve the disadvantaged in our community. I hope these opportunities help them see how blessed they are, and how important it is to share our blessings with others.

The grandparent dilemma

Grandparents have been waiting decades to have little ones to spoil to their hearts’ content. Parents, on the other hand, would like to manage the onslaught of presents which overstimulate and accumulate. We’re fortunate in that both sets of grandparents have listened to our concerns and are happy to oblige our requests for group gifts, experiences, or one gift per occasion. I find that gentle honesty is the best policy here. If you haven’t had that talk with your parents and/or in-laws yet, I encourage you to do so – it’ll be pay off in the future Christmases to come.

To wrap up

To conclude, kids like gifts. But it’s important to instill in them the very important truth that Christmas is not about the presents. The more we can do to help them to learn and live the true meaning of Christmas as the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ, the happier they will be in the long run.

Dear readers, please share your winning strategy for managing Christmas presents in the comments below!