Confession: I have been at low-functioning capacity (ie. in bed a lot) for a combined total of 28 weeks in the past year and a half. While this state of affairs has not been ideal, I have had plenty of time to reflect that it hasn’t come without its blessings. Because, while it has been a period filled with anxiety, worry and suffering, it is undeniable that much fruit has been borne from the pain. Every cloud truly comes with a silver lining.
So, if you’ll accompany me, I’ll bare my soul a bit and share with you some of the graces we have gained in these difficult times.
For my marriage, an opportunity to live our vows
Remember when you stood at the altar with your beloved, and you vowed to love each other in sickness and in health? Well, the past two years have given us a taste of what the first half of that vow means. Now, don’t worry too much about me, I’m not seriously ill and I do expect to recover. But I have spent an inordinate amount of time in a horizontal position, and my husband has had to run our family circus act solo for weeks on end. He’s been dad, mom, teacher, cook, chauffeur, grocery shopper and provider. He has shown incredible resilience, patience and sacrifice. All of which has made me fall in love with this wonderful man again and again. Our marriage has been stretched and strengthened, no doubt.
I only hope that when the time comes for me to care for him, I can return the favor with the same love that he has shown me. And I hope I can get back to normal soon because hubby is in serious need of some down time.
For our children, an opportunity to develop empathy and care for others
Every time I’ve been sick, I’ve always worried about my kids. How will they fare without me? How will they learn, what will they eat, and are they changing their underwear every day? Yet, when I look back, I see that my convalescent periods have always been times of immense growth for them. My oldest son can cook a basic meal, go through his subjects independently, and feed, clothe and bathe his youngest siblings. Son #2 has learned how to do laundry and is a master at keeping his younger siblings entertained. My six-yr-old, whom I have probably babied the most, came up to me the other night and asked if I needed him to bathe his younger sister. And my little girl has learned to use the bathroom at night on her own.
While this probably screams neglect from my part, I’d like to think that the kids are learning grit, self-sufficiency and how to care for others. These qualities are not easily taught in the absence of a crisis, yet we want our kids to develop them. We may not be at the top of our game academically, but we can definitely check off “life skills” from the learning plan.
What’s even sweeter is that all the kids have shown great concern for my well-being, and are always happy to let me rest. I’m not saying home life is perfect – there are six very different humans living under this roof, after all, and mom is mostly missing – but there are so many graces to be thankful for.
For our extended family, an opportunity to help
Nothing shows the power of family like a crisis. I joke to my parents and siblings that I have single-handedly provided them with plenty of opportunities to give back. Unconditionally and unreservedly, my family has supported us with many meals and a whole lot of child care. It’s humbling to ask for help, but in the end, we are all made richer by generously giving and graciously receiving help.
For me, an opportunity to grow spiritually
Illnesses are wonderful opportunities to grow spiritually. If only it wasn’t so painful. Being down for the count is quite the exercise in patience and letting go, two things which I completely suck at. I haven’t been able to exercise, push the kids academically, keep the house clean, or socialize. I’ve had to temporarily let go of the things that are under my domain. All I have been able to do, really, is pray and ask God to help me accept His will. It’s hurt my pride and messed up my plans, but spiritually-speaking, that’s never a bad thing.
As Catholics, we believe that uniting ourselves to the Cross is the path to Heaven. We also believe that we can offer up our sufferings to God for the good and salvation of all souls. I once heard that St. Josemaria Escriva would visit hospitals and ask the patients for prayers, because he knew that the prayers of the sick are powerful. I take much comfort in this, because while I often feel useless in bed, I know that it is within my power to offer up many prayers and all my sufferings for the good and intentions of others. Not that I do it gracefully, but here’s hoping that I get points for trying.
God-willing, we will return to “normal” soon. But, may I be grateful and accepting of the difficulties which He allows us to experience, as they come with beautiful mercies and blessings.
