If there is one thing I have learned in 15 years of marriage, it is the importance of continuing to date your husband. As kids, careers, housework and all that jazz come into the picture, dating each other becomes something that must be prioritized, planned with intention, and treated as a non-negotiable.
Ideally, we’d be going on dates at least once a week. Once a week is the minimum degree of frequency that we need to reconnect and bond. I have always felt overwhelmed by that minimum for two reasons. First, money. Our budget (and I suspect most couples are in this situation) simply does not allow dining out once a week. To get around this, I thought that we could have “dates” at home. We could feed and put the kids to bed early, and then enjoy a candlelit dinner for two. Many couples I know are great at doing this. I, however, found that option required too much effort, and the truth is, we’re pretty beat after the kids go to bed.
Second, time. With homeschooling, work, chores, and extracurricular activities to tackle daily, making time for a weekly date seemed ridiculous. Life is so busy. Who’s got the time dedicate one night a week to each other? It took a number of marital hiccups to realize that if we don’t make time for each other, the marriage suffers, and so does everything else in our lives. That feeling of not being connected to your spouse just sucks. I make the time to homeschool, exercise, shower and grocery shop. Marriage is so much more important than that. When seen from this light, making time for a weekly date is not so ridiculous after all.
Last fall we came up with the idea of going for nightly walks. On Tuesdays or Wednesdays, we have dinner as a family, put the kids to bed and then go for a leisurely walk for an hour or so. So far it has been a huge game changer for us. With no phones and no kids to distract us, we are able to focus on each other. We talk about each other’s days, we listen to each other’s problems and challenges. Sometimes we tackle a disagreement (not my favorite type of walk but necessary at times). And we dream. We talk a great deal about our hopes and dreams for ourselves and our family. All while exercising! We come home physically refreshed and emotionally connected. And we haven’t spent a penny!
I love going on walks because it’s crazy easy to do. Other than figuring out which scenic route to take, we just put on our walking attire and go. We’re always super tired after 9pm (name me one parent who isn’t), but unless we’re exhausted, making that small effort to get out the door always pays off. There’s something about mild exercising and breathing outdoor air that clears the brain. Especially when we’ve had rough days, our walks have been balm to our souls. As a bonus, it’s been fun getting to know all the streets around us. I spend so much time in our car going to the same places that I don’t get to know the ins and outs of our neighborhood.
Of course, we’re only able to do this now that our eldest is old enough to babysit. I’m loving this part of having a tween at home. But whether it is walks, late dinners for two at home, or time on the couch with no electronics, the most important takeaway is to make time, at least once a week, to reconnect with your spouse. Don’t let fatigue and the busyness of life turn you into roommates.
