Not too long ago I was listening to one of Jordan Peterson’s podcast episodes, “The World is your Oyster“, a recording from his lecture in Winnipeg, Manitoba. During the Q&A, Jordan Peterson confided that he and his wife had hard, vicious fights, often; however they were productive fights, as the point was to not have to have the fight again.
I love that story. While I may not recommend engaging in vicious fights, I am a firm believer in tackling each conflict head on and resolving it right then and there. And if this is not possible, then we ought to come up with a plan for resolution. This is not easy by any means, because fights are unpleasant, ugly and they make you feel awful. Sometimes you don’t want to hurt your spouse’s feelings, and other times you just want to keep the peace. But if you don’t address disagreements or conflicts, resentment can start to build. If it goes unchecked, over the years this resentment can turn into contempt. And this is not a place you want to end up in.
I have learned through experience that unresolved issues are never resolved. It sounds obvious but this often gets a marriage in trouble. If you want to have a healthy relationship, be honest with each other. Always. If something bothers you and you find yourself unable to let it go, bring it up asap. For the sake of your future happiness together, don’t sweep things under the rug or build walls around you to protect yourself from getting hurt. The former creates festering wounds and the latter kills the love.
Of course, there are good ways and bad ways of engaging in a conflict. Engage with respect, kindness and goodwill. Do it with the intent of resolving a problem together, so that, as Jordan Peterson says, you never have to have the same fight again. By facing these conflicts with honesty and goodwill, you will find that your marriage will grow stronger, and so will you, as a person.
Honesty really and truly is the best policy.
