My Favorite Marriage Books

A happy, healthy marriage is one of the greatest sources of happiness on earth (for married people, that is). While each and every marriage is unique, there are fundamental truths – such as love, respect and sacrifice – which must be understood and lived in order to enjoy a lifelong, fulfilling relationship. I also believe that we all need help to succeed at marriage, whether it’s from family, friends, courses, blogs, podcasts, books or therapy. In this post I share with you my favorite marriage books; I hope they are as helpful to your marriage or future marriage as they have been to us.

The Bible

When in doubt, start at the source. Did you know that the Bible begins with a marriage (Genesis 2:18) and ends with a marriage (Revelation 19:7-8)? Also, did you know that Jesus’ first miracle was performed at a wedding, in Cana? That’s enough for me to know that the institution of marriage is created by and blessed by God. If you need more proof, check out all these other places where the Bible teaches about marriage.

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

My husband and I read this gem of a book 10 years into our marriage, and I have no idea why it took us so long to do so. It could have saved us much heartache! The premise of this book is that people “speak” up to five different love languages (acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, and affection). Each language then guides the way each person gives and receives love. It turns out my husband and I don’t have the same love language, and I’m sure this is not an uncommon occurrence. I refer to this book as my ‘aha!’ book. I write more about the love languages here.

The Temperament God Gave You by Art and Laraine Bennett

This is another life-changing book. It not only helped me understand myself and my husband better, but also others close to me. This book walks you through the four main temperaments of people, which the authors define as choleric, sanguine, melancholic, and phlegmatic. A person can be any of those or a combination of two or three. There is a handy quiz to try to figure out what your own temperament is, which was a very useful exercise for me – turns out I didn’t know myself very well at all. Once you figure out your temperament and that of your spouse, you can better understand motivations, reactions, choices, etc. This book has helped my husband and I to be more empathetic with one another and not to take things so personally. We really do see things very differently, and that’s okay. They have written other variations of the same topic – The Temperament God gave your Spouse and The Temperament God gave your Kids. Check out my post about this book here.

The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages by Shaunti Feldhahn

We had the privilege of meeting Ms. Feldhahn at an event where she was the guest speaker. What a lovely, humble and genuine lady she is! All her books are based on solid research and this is no exception. She starts off by stating that “the dream of a happy marriage is one of the most consistent longings of the human heart”, and that despite the bleak statistics on the success of marriage, it is absolutely possible to enjoy a happy marriage. To prepare for this book, Ms. Feldhahn interviewed 1,000 couples, 350 of whom described themselves as happily married. She then researched and zeroed in on 12 surprisingly simple but powerful habits that these highly happy couples had in common. A must-read book!

The Wealthy Barber by David Chilton

Short, easy to read and really funny, this book was instrumental in forming our vision of personal finance. My mom read this book back in the 90s and kept on telling me to read it. So of course I didn’t read it for years. But when I did, as a newlywed, it made so much sense. One of best pieces of advice from the book is to “pay yourself first” – aka save for your future self. I also read his second book, The Wealthy Barber Returns, but I didn’t enjoy it as much as the first.

Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus by Dr. John Gray

A lot of the problems in marriage stem from not knowing that men and woman are quite different – almost as if we came from different planets. The good news is, these differences are far from being irreconcilable. In fact, with the right understanding, they can actually enhance and enrich marriage. In this book, Dr. Gray walks us through some of the major differences (ie. “men go to their caves and women talk”) so that we can better understand the opposite sex, and then provides actionable, practical solutions for solving the problems that arise from these differences.

Good News about Sex and Marriage by Christopher West

This is a book written by a Catholic author for a Catholic audience, but I think a lot of the principles apply to all marriages. Christopher West is a very dynamic writer and an even more dynamic speaker. As we read this book while preparing for our marriage, we learned about the whys of the Catholic teachings with regards to sex – a lot of it was (good) news to us. This book led to our commitment to live a marriage that is open to life and free of contraceptives. There’s so much more that I could write about this, but for the purposes of this post, I’ll just write that it completely transformed the way my husband and I live our marriage.

Theology of the Body by Pope St. John Paul II

If you are uber smart, have the mind of a philosopher and would like to understand why the Catholic Church teaches all that it does about marriage and sex, then this book is for you. I must confess that while I own a copy of this 600+-page mammoth, I don’t quite have the brains to read it. Thank goodness we have people like Christopher West who has written Theology of the Body for Beginners. Theology of the Body is transformative as it answers many of the deepest questions of our humanity: what is the meaning of life? Why did God create us male and female? Why is there evil in the world and how do we overcome it? How do we attain true happiness on earth? What kind of joys await us in heaven? How can we experience the love we long for in the depth of our hearts? (Questions taken from the back of the book). Once again this is written from a Catholic viewpoint, but I really find that it speaks to the longings in every human heart.

That is all, my friends. Please share your favorite marriage books in the comments below!