Just like the Five Love Languages, I didn’t learn about the Four Temperaments until later into my marriage. But boy, an earlier understanding of them would have saved us some grief. Some years ago I attended a talk by Art and Laraine Bennett, the authors of The Temperament God Gave You. I purchased their book and the number of aha moments I had while reading it must have broken some world record.
Continue reading “Marriage Saver #4: The Four Temperaments”
In Necessariis Unitas, In Dubiis Libertas, In Omnibus Caritas
Author UnknowN
Translation: “In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity”. It sounds so intelligent in Latin, doesn’t it? This phrase has been attributed to several authors, among them St. Augustine. Illustrious leaders, such as a Pope and a U.S. President, have used this principle to guide their missions. We first learned it at a friend’s wedding, during the father of the bride’s speech. As soon as we heard it, my husband and I looked at each other like two lit up light bulbs. Since then it has become one of the guiding principles in our marriage.
How do I understand this phrase? I have no doubt that minds greater than mine have written profoundly on the topic, but here is my humble take as it applies to marriage.
Continue reading “Marriage Saver #3: The Latin Principle”
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Have you heard about the Love Languages? Dr. Gary Chapman crystallized the concept in his iconic book The Five Love Languages. Seriously, every couple should own this book. It holds very important truths about how to love our spouses. My only regret is that it took us 10 years of marriage to find out about it!
Continue reading “Marriage Saver #2: The Love Languages”
If there is one thing I have learned in 15 years of marriage, it is the importance of continuing to date your husband. As kids, careers, housework and all that jazz come into the picture, dating each other becomes something that must be prioritized, planned with intention, and treated as a non-negotiable.
Continue reading “Marriage saver #1: Walks with your spouse”
I love marriage. I love it on a personal level and as a societal institution. I wholeheartedly believe that happy, strong marriages are the foundation for a happy, strong society. It is through marriage that most of us are meant to find love, fulfillment and personal growth.
I also know that a great marriage, the one you really really want to have, takes hard work and dedication. A great marriage doesn’t just happen because a nice girl falls in love with a nice boy and they decide to embark on the ultimate journey together. It’s a great start, but it’s only the beginning. Then life happens, with all of its exciting and boring and in-between ups and downs. There are new jobs. Jobs lost. Money problems. New baby. Sleepless nights. Sickness. Relocations. Irrational toddlers. In-laws (or outlaws). Hormonal teenagers. New wrinkles and love handles. And that’s just the normal stuff.
Continue reading “Introducing a new series: Marriage Savers”
This is a very personal post. Last summer I miscarried our 5th child. Baby would have been born right about this time, so in memory of him or her, I’m sharing the following post, written a few days after our loss.
Over the weekend I suffered a miscarriage in the 12th week of my pregnancy. It was one of the saddest experiences of our lives. This baby came into our lives unexpectedly and left us unexpectedly. Finding out that I was pregnant was a huge shock, and it took me a while to accept the news. But now that the baby has left us, there is pain, grief and a hole in our hearts. We hope and we pray with that one day we will meet this sweet baby in Heaven. But in the meanwhile, we mourn our loss.
Continue reading “Love in Sadness”
I have never been into making resolutions. It’s probably because I have such a poor track record of accomplishing big goals that the last thing I need is a visual reminder of all the goals I’m not “crushing”. Over the last year or two, however, I’ve felt the need to become more intentional about my life. Perhaps it’s because I recently joined the 40s club, and it’s given me an existential crisis – where am I, where have I been and where am I going? Or perhaps it’s because my kids are getting older and I’m no longer on survival mode. Therefore I have more time to reflect and make some longer term goals. Whatever the reason, making resolutions for this new year is making sense to me. You can tell I’m new at this, for it’s already the end of January and I’m still in goal setting mode. Oh well. Baby steps! So here they are – many of them are half-baked but I won’t let that stop me!
Continue reading “New in 2019: Resolutions”
Last night my husband and I were guest speakers at a fundraising event in our city. The theme of the evening was “The Awesomeness of Marriage”. There were a wide range of married couples in attendance, from engaged to newlyweds to grandparents. It was so wonderful to attend an event which celebrated the beauty of marriage. I’m posting our talk here for your reading pleasure. Enjoy!
Continue reading “The Awesomeness of Marriage”
“Marriage cannot thrive on leftover attention. It has to get your best effort.” Ngina Otiende
When I was pregnant with our first child, my husband and I attended a parenting class. During one of the sessions, the instructor asked the participants – all new or soon-to-be parents – who comes first: your spouse or your child? I smugly answered that my husband comes first, duh. Simple answer. A few months later we welcomed our son. I’ll never forget the first time I laid eyes on my beautiful baby boy. The feeling of elation and overwhelming love was unlike anything I had experienced before. I became utterly and absolutely obsessed with my sweet little baby…and promptly forgot about anyone else, including my husband. Once the newborn fog cleared up, I remembered the question of the parenting instructor and thought, huh. Not so simple an answer after all.
Continue reading “Make Marriage your #1 Priority”